Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

There are thousands of us out there.

We were raised in a Christian Family, went to church every sunday of our lives, prayed before we ate, and believed everything we were told.
We were good kids, weren't we? Showing Mom the picture we drew in sunday school of what heaven's like, steadily learning to both fear and pity those who don't know Jesus.
Life is simple; everything makes sense when you don't think about it, right?

Then one day, it happens. That one little question, specific to each of us, that nobody can seem to give an adequate answer to.

If God created us to sin, why does he punish us for it?
If God is a loving God, why does he want us to fight?
Why did God create the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the first place?
If God is omniscient, why did he create Lucifer?
Why does the bible say it's okay to beat slaves?
How was Jesus tempted by Satan into torturing Job?
If God is all-powerful, why did he have to die on the cross?

These are few of many. Contradictory and morally questionable statements in the bible that have been contemplated over and over again.
This is the answerless question that inevitabley leads us to the source:
The Holy Bible.
We start from the beginning. For the first time in our lives objectivley reading the words we have become so accustomed to. All the sudden these verses don't seem so loving and innocent anymore. The phrase "Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, limb for limb" makes our heart beat a little faster when contrasted with the much more well known "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind".
And somewhere between Genesis and Revelations we come to a terrifying realization.

We were wrong.

This isn't a nice story of a warm, smiling man with a white beard who loves us unconditionally. This is the story of a cruel God who decided the most reasonable solution to people not doing what he says is to torture them for all of eternity.
It's not a pleasant realization. It slowly starts to sink in, how everything you believed was a lie. How the parents you love and trusted have been wrong about everything from how they live their lives to letting you watch veggietales on saturday mornings.

What now?

Do you show them? Show them the shocking truth about this God of theirs? Of course not. They've been doing this for years. There's something about this religion that prohibits the thought that it might not be true. The second we do that, we're sinning aren't we? So we keep it to ourselves, our new frightening persepective on life.

That first nights' the kicker. As we lie there, those two simple words gracefully float into our mind. "Dear God.."
Wait. Oh, right. We forgot. Guess we won't be praying anymore. It feels wrong, for a while. Not telling Jesus about our problems. Not asking to keep our family and friends safe that night. It's an uneasy feeling, wondering if our house burns down in the night, will it be our fault?

A little while later, and our mind has settled down a bit. The news that the foundation of our life was lies has had some time to age, and we've accepted it. We continue with our lives, going to church, praying before dinner. It doesn't seem so conventional anymore.
We know we need to tell our parents, for their sake and ours. The fact that it's true doesn't make it any easier. Maybe, we think to ourselves, we'll wait until we're moved out. The whole "As for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord" thing seems to have more meaning now than it used to.

Christianity, however, was a brilliantly intricate creation. Once introduced, the idea of God will loom in your mind, judging you forever. That feeling of guilt never really goes away. Such a simple concept, really. This is God, do what he says and you'll go to heaven, don't and you'll go to hell. No proof. In fact, the bible tells us there's no way of calculating when the world will end. How convienant. That way, this theory can terrorize billions of people for ever and ever. It can't ever be proved wrong, because there's absolutely nothing concrete about it. That's why it's so infallible. We don't want to take the chance on something so horrifying, so we go along with it just in case.

It'll always happen. One morning we find ourselves humming that hymn. When someone's sick, our response is to pray for them. Without thinking, we give the christian defense to an argument.
Don't let it get to you. Remember, this has been years in the making.

Don't let yourself believe it's wrong without really considering it.
There are thousands of us out there, just like you. We were raised in a Christian Family. We asked Jesus into our heart. And now, somewhere in the back of our mind, the concept of God haunts us.

Don't worry. The bible told me Jesus loved me, too.