Let's just all start a Drum Circle.

We are all citizens of this planet.

Despite what we may tell ourselves, none of us have any concrete idea how we got here or what we're supposed to be doing. We all started out as a single cell and we all end up mixed right back into the earth we once lived on.

We all get angry sometimes, typically because of eachother. And we all have things in our life that at one casual mention make our heart rev up and our eyes widen, because these things are part of our soul.

We're us. All of us are part of it. People might all be different, but the fact is we're still all people. We're all in the same boat. Learning new things everyday about ourselges and about eachother. Coming to our own conclusions and then changing our minds again.

What gets me is where exactly we got the idea we're playing against eachother. No satisfying result has ever been a product of thinking the people you're fighting against are the enemy. Like it or not, we're all an awful lot more similar than we like to think. Why do we keep trying to top eachother?

The most amazing version of this planet I can imagine is one where everyone has realized we're all in this together. Not only for us to accept eachother the way we naturally are, but to have the ability to love. Love has never done any harm, or made any situation more complicated. Before we all freak out and start yelling and killing eachother, let's practice some self control. Take a deep breath. Realize harming any of the other residents of this planet is never neccessary or a good solution.

And know that when you stop thinking "logically" and start thinking morally, the bottom line is we're all part of something together. And everyday we make the choice to hinder or help ourselves.

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

There are thousands of us out there.

We were raised in a Christian Family, went to church every sunday of our lives, prayed before we ate, and believed everything we were told.
We were good kids, weren't we? Showing Mom the picture we drew in sunday school of what heaven's like, steadily learning to both fear and pity those who don't know Jesus.
Life is simple; everything makes sense when you don't think about it, right?

Then one day, it happens. That one little question, specific to each of us, that nobody can seem to give an adequate answer to.

If God created us to sin, why does he punish us for it?
If God is a loving God, why does he want us to fight?
Why did God create the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the first place?
If God is omniscient, why did he create Lucifer?
Why does the bible say it's okay to beat slaves?
How was Jesus tempted by Satan into torturing Job?
If God is all-powerful, why did he have to die on the cross?

These are few of many. Contradictory and morally questionable statements in the bible that have been contemplated over and over again.
This is the answerless question that inevitabley leads us to the source:
The Holy Bible.
We start from the beginning. For the first time in our lives objectivley reading the words we have become so accustomed to. All the sudden these verses don't seem so loving and innocent anymore. The phrase "Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, limb for limb" makes our heart beat a little faster when contrasted with the much more well known "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind".
And somewhere between Genesis and Revelations we come to a terrifying realization.

We were wrong.

This isn't a nice story of a warm, smiling man with a white beard who loves us unconditionally. This is the story of a cruel God who decided the most reasonable solution to people not doing what he says is to torture them for all of eternity.
It's not a pleasant realization. It slowly starts to sink in, how everything you believed was a lie. How the parents you love and trusted have been wrong about everything from how they live their lives to letting you watch veggietales on saturday mornings.

What now?

Do you show them? Show them the shocking truth about this God of theirs? Of course not. They've been doing this for years. There's something about this religion that prohibits the thought that it might not be true. The second we do that, we're sinning aren't we? So we keep it to ourselves, our new frightening persepective on life.

That first nights' the kicker. As we lie there, those two simple words gracefully float into our mind. "Dear God.."
Wait. Oh, right. We forgot. Guess we won't be praying anymore. It feels wrong, for a while. Not telling Jesus about our problems. Not asking to keep our family and friends safe that night. It's an uneasy feeling, wondering if our house burns down in the night, will it be our fault?

A little while later, and our mind has settled down a bit. The news that the foundation of our life was lies has had some time to age, and we've accepted it. We continue with our lives, going to church, praying before dinner. It doesn't seem so conventional anymore.
We know we need to tell our parents, for their sake and ours. The fact that it's true doesn't make it any easier. Maybe, we think to ourselves, we'll wait until we're moved out. The whole "As for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord" thing seems to have more meaning now than it used to.

Christianity, however, was a brilliantly intricate creation. Once introduced, the idea of God will loom in your mind, judging you forever. That feeling of guilt never really goes away. Such a simple concept, really. This is God, do what he says and you'll go to heaven, don't and you'll go to hell. No proof. In fact, the bible tells us there's no way of calculating when the world will end. How convienant. That way, this theory can terrorize billions of people for ever and ever. It can't ever be proved wrong, because there's absolutely nothing concrete about it. That's why it's so infallible. We don't want to take the chance on something so horrifying, so we go along with it just in case.

It'll always happen. One morning we find ourselves humming that hymn. When someone's sick, our response is to pray for them. Without thinking, we give the christian defense to an argument.
Don't let it get to you. Remember, this has been years in the making.

Don't let yourself believe it's wrong without really considering it.
There are thousands of us out there, just like you. We were raised in a Christian Family. We asked Jesus into our heart. And now, somewhere in the back of our mind, the concept of God haunts us.

Don't worry. The bible told me Jesus loved me, too.

Welcome to the Future.

Do you ever think about your future?
Of course you do. Everybody does. But. When you do, what do you see? Do you see something your excited for, or something that scares you. Do you see definate plans or abstact ideas. Do you like thinking about your future? What does tomorrow make you feel.
I've been thinking about my future a lot.
I know the first thing im doing after i graduate is travelling. I know thats what everyone says right. How individualistic of me. I just feel like i can't live my life without knowing if im in the right base camp. I know i want to see Ireland, India, Italy, Greece, Peru, France... As much as i possibly can. If you think about it, we live in the luckiest place in the world right, as your told everyday. But also i think the shallowest. We have no heritage here. Nothings happened. Okay and i know people reading this are like have you ever even read canadian history books and yeah i know we have a history, but compared to other nations, we got nothing.
I want to walk on the Great wall of China. I want to stand in the Taj Mahal. I want to run my fingers along the ragged walls of the Colosseum.
When i think about these things, an indescribable peace runs through me.
Like everything else is okay.
I dunno if thats a good thing or a bad thing.
Does that make me an adventurer or someone whose running away from soemthing.
Hmm. I've learned one thing about myself recently. I tend to overthink things. In a day i do a hell of a lot more of thinking than speaking. I've also learned I'm okay with solitude. Which is always seen as a bad thing, you know, like that loner who hangs out in some corner of the school. But i dont think its a bad thing, being alone sometimes.
What do you think?
Do you ever feel like you have no one to talk to?
Like, i mean i have plenty of people to talk to everyday, but im talking about someone who will talk to you serisously, on a different level.
Sometimes that drives me mad. I have a lot more deep things i want to talk about but eeryone im around only seems to care about who broke up with who over what stupid fight.
I can't decide if im more mature than my years or if everybody else is just too afraid to show that side of them.
Do you ever wonder if your special?
Everyone wants to have those little quirks. little odd things that the people who love them adore them for.
But are we really unique? are we born the way we are or do we make ourselfves who we are.
I guess either way is kind of a scary aspect.
You know whats sad, no one? Im having this conversation wiht my keyboard.
Do you ever wish you had someone to talk to?
I think we all do. But is that person right infront of you and your just too scared to open up to them.
I dunno, no one.
What do you think?
Hey, i forgot to tell update. I've been a vegetarian for almost three months. Im getting a job soon, and tomorrow im going to get my L. I'll probably fail ahha. But yeah. I'll tell you how that goes, my dear no one.

LOVE,
jenessa♥

A World Without Pants.

Wouldn't a world without pants be wonderful?
You know what im talking about. You spend four hours at the mall looking for effing pants that end up not fitting and costing way too much. And YOU DIDN'T EVEN WANT PANTS IN THE FIRST PLACE. Ew.
And then theirs the whole other issues of i have chicken legs and DONT EVEN FIT INTO PANTS half the time. People are always like OMG your sooo skinny im soo jealous and im like YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH HOE OR ILL PUNCH YOUR FACE IN. Ugh. People need to take time to examine someone before they assume things. Like, theres more behind what you see. Gah i ahte people sometimes. Theyre superficial and judgmental and prejiduce and sometimes i just wish we all died.
I have this theory that people are too intelligent for their own good. Cause you know how animals brains are only big enough to know like the basics of survival and stuff. Theres no confusion there. They dont give a rats ass what colour fur that other possum has, its a girl and their gonna go knock it up to keep their species going. Like if all humans knew how to do was eat and build shelter and mate, we would never have homocides. We would never have world hunger. We would never have war. We would never care how fat anyone else was. We would simply coexist forever and ever peacfully along side eachother.
Sooo i got off topic. But to bring this topic to an end, i have swonr off pants forever and am only going to wear dresses and skirts for the rest of my life.

LOVE,
jenessa♥

Ode to race.

Isn't it amazing how much the colour of our skin can matter?

I mean, when i say that, your probably thinking about racism. But what about the crippling pride that goes with having a certain race.

In one way, you'd think you should be proud of your skin colour, and inrich yours and others lives with the culture and history of it. But pride leads to arrogance. And arrogance leads to hate. And hate leads to war.

I am a pacifist by the way.

So on the other hand you'd think everyone should just be the same. Be 100% impervious to the colour of eachothers skin. But, do we really all want to be EXACLTY the same? I mean,isn't that kind of boring?

Do you ever have it when your trying to explain a certain person to someone, and your trying to find all the details to explain them without using their weight or their sexual preference or their race becasue, i mean, why can't we just see a gay guy, or a overweight woman, or a black boy as the exact same as us?

But then it's back to the boring thing. I guess variety is the spice of life right? Humans just take that to the extreme i find.

Why do these problems of life not just have one simple answer?

There has to be some kind of peaceful balance inbetween these two extremes.

But what is it?

LOVE,

jenessa♥

A Guilty Hypocrite.

Do you ever have it when your friends are doing stupid stuff that your SO mad at them for, but at the same time, you kinda want to do it too?
And that seems so terrible, like its bad for them to do it but not for you. What a double standard.
And how come when someone has been labeled a bad person because theyre like a druggy or a whore or something, nobody cares anymore, but as soon as one of the "good kids" does something barely even bad, everyone hates them all of the sudden?
What a world we live in hey?
I mean in some ways i just wish no one would care what i did and theyd just leave me alone to make my own discisions, whether they're good or bad, but in other ways, isnt the whole point of doing those things just to get noticed in the first place?
Some things i will never understand. So consider this stain, not yet bleached.

LOVE,
jenessa♥

Good morning Crossfield. The earth says "Your too cold. Move to Pluto".

Good morrow cuz.
This is an introduction of me.
My name is Jenessa. I have a litte kitty named Ben whom is sitting beside me right now watching me.:D I love him♥
I recently moved from my beloved city of Surrey (REPRESENT) to a little town I like to call Hell.
Or Crossfield. Its tiny, gross, cold and dead. We have no McDonalds, but we DO have two trailor parks.
My school sucks. Ill probly blog about that later. But life sucks a lot less this year, so we're good for the most part.
I♥ food, clothes, animals, Brianne, Surrey, and HSM (HOLLA).
So i will elaborate more on myself in further blogs. I hope SOMEONE has a hoot and a half reading these.
LOVE,
jenessa♥